~OYC Trailblazers~ Michelle’s Story on the Intersection of Crohn’s & an LGBTQIA+ Identity

By Michelle Cabral

My symptoms first started around the age of 11. As I grew into my teenage and adult years, my symptoms worsened. I found myself dealing with bathroom urgency and vomiting on a daily life. I distinctly remember when I was about the age of 16, my mother and I were leaving a restaurant after a night out and I had already vomited. I still remember her saying something to the effect of “one day you’ll be able to go out for dinner and not feel like this.” Little did she know that my life would continue with this trajectory and I would finally be diagnosed via colonoscopy with Crohn’s Disease at the age of 18 in September 2007.

I was officially diagnosed with Crohn’s after having my gall bladder removed and I had to be seen by 3 different GI doctors before finally getting that diagnosis. And as many of us know, one autoimmune condition usually comes with other illnesses. I was also diagnosed with Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia.

 After years of dealing with Crohn’s, my health journey really took a turn for the worst in 2013 when I ended up with a horseshoe abscess around my rectum that needed to be drained in emergency surgery. Since then, I have had setons and drains placed in order to ensure the abscesses do not return. This perianal disease is also what prompted me to get my loop ileostomy in August 2017 so that I could allow the abscesses to heal as much as possible. Since 2013, I have had close to 20 surgeries including my ostomy, seton and drain placements and multiple laparoscopic diagnostic surgeries.

Meeting the Love of My Life

My wife Ali and I met in late 2017 and we immediately hit it off. Prior to meeting me, Ali had no knowledge of Crohn’s, life-saving ostomy surgery or perianal disease so it’s been a learning experience every step of the way. I’ve spent the better part of our relationship either in the hospital or recovering from something. Ali has nevertheless been by my side without question.

We were married 2 years later on October 19th, 2019. Even though the days leading up to our wedding were some of the most stressful of my life, our wedding day itself was amazing and went on without a hitch. I was so worried my ostomy would explode at some crucial moment. I managed to survive the day without any accidents or hiccups along the way.

 

My Pansexual Identity

I identify as Pansexual which to me basically means I love people, not parts.

I wish people would realize all the discrimination that comes with identifying as pansexual, having a child, and being married to a woman. When it comes to our son, my wife and I have experienced people asking us, “whose child is he?” Sometimes they will even be bold enough to ask “who did he come out of?”

Every time I utter the phrase “my wife,” I take a sharp breath in as I watch eyebrows rise. When we got engaged, it was even harder because “fiancé” is a gender-neutral term. So every time people used to assume my fiancé identified as male and I had to explain that my fiancé was a female, which led to some really awkward (and totally unneeded) apologies.

The Intersection of My Pansexual & Chronic Illness Identities

I think it’s absolutely important to disclose your sexual orientation to your doctor. And even more so, in a situation like mine where my wife is a huge part of my support system. Is it awkward? Sure. But it could help pinpoint a proper treatment plan if the physician is able to have open conversations about my sexual orientation and how IBD affects me.

Prior to my last relationship, I did not disclose my orientation because I didn’t feel it was necessary for my care. My friends were the bulk of my support system at the time but I’ve since seen how important it is for Ali to see what is involved in my care and I want her to be involved in us making decisions together regarding my treatment.

As a woman, I have experienced discrimination in many ways. I’ve always noticed most doctors speak differently to the males in the room. I’ve even noticed them speak to my wife differently based on her level of education. I’ve experienced being told my symptoms were all in my head and even that I would have to “just deal with” the pain I had been hospitalized for. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, there have been times I’ve struggled to advocate for myself and/or be advocated for simply because there wasn’t a male presence to be called upon. At the end of the day, I’ve felt that each and every label or diagnosis I have accumulated has felt like just another thing to be judged upon or discriminated against.

So my advice to readers today is always, always, always, advocate for yourself! Don’t out yourself if you are in an uncomfortable situation; make sure you feel safe with your doctor when you do decide to disclose. And remember you’re not alone! No matter how difficult the Crohn’s path can get, it does eventually get better. 

And that’s how I own my Crohn’s and my ostomy: by advocating for myself and by not letting Crohn’s or my ostomy own me! If there’s one thing I live by, it’s that I live each day and each moment, for my loved ones and for me. And my hope is that you can do the same.

 

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

 

Some resources for those who identify as LGBTQ+ and are managing inflammatory bowel disease:

• Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation’s Support Group for Lesbian & Bisexual Women (Closed Facebook Group)
• Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation’s Support Group for Gay & Bisexual Men (Closed Facebook Group) 

 

~~Wishing everyone love, light & peace always!~~

As always, I love hearing from you all! Please feel free to comment, like and share this post if you think it can help others 🙂