Love Knows No Disability

Nine years ago today, the love of my life, Anand, and I were married in a beautiful Hindu temple with several of our relatives and friends in attendance from all over the world. It was a momentous occasion for me not just in a traditional sense but because of how close I had been to death just two years prior. But as beautiful as the wedding was, the process of getting married wasn’t exactly a fairytale or a bed of roses. You see, a couple years prior, I was freed of an extremely warped and diseased colon on the 4th of July, 2008 (see blog post: My Very Own Independence Day). And I continued to face many health concerns even after surgery. 

And in my culture and really, in many cultures around the world, people with severe health issues and disabilities aren’t always considered “marriage material.” So, what did that result in? Significant disapproval of our marriage. But why? Aren’t we just as deserving of love and happiness as an able-bodied person is? We don’t choose this life or bring it upon ourselves in any way so why shouldn’t we have a chance at happiness too?

While these questions continue to plague my mind 9 years later as I battle many health challenges, I know how fortunate I am to have a companion who isn’t just caring but is also open and accepting of our differences. But our journey has not come without its thorns. For one, society still questions him for sticking around. And for another, my health challenges take a toll and wear down on not just me as the patient but on my caregiver as well. 

Nevertheless, I laud all those who stand their ground and remain by our side during the most trying of times–through disease flare-ups and hospital stays and surgeries. It doesn’t just take courage, it takes strength of mind, strength of spirit and tremendous character to do what my husband has done and continues to do. It is one thing to help one’s wife manage chronic illnesses; it’s another to stand up to the world and tell them not to dictate what one’s happiness should look or feel like. Because the reality is true love transcends illness and disability.

For those of you spoonies considering a relationship, I applaud you. It isn’t easy but neither is loneliness. It takes guts to put ourselves out there and potentially face rejection because of our diseases, ostomies, fistulae, what have you. And for those of you considering a relationship with a partner who has chronic illnesses and/or disabilities, I encourage you to get to know the person for who s/he truly is and what s/he represents because illness is only one aspect of our prolific beings. Please be patient, please be kind and please be supportive. That’s all we need. Please know that every time we are sick, guilt overtakes us because we want to be enjoying life with you and not laying in bed withering away. Please know you may not have the seemingly glorious “Facebook relationship” that appears ridiculously happy jetsetting around the world, going out to eat at the latest Michelin-starred restaurants or partying into the night the way others our age might. But what you will get is a partner who truly and deeply loves you, is fiercely loyal to you and will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, for your happiness. And that is a love unparalleled, a love that knows no disability. 

Just as all other types of relationships are accepted nowadays, interabled relationships can exist and should exist. Why? Because we all need and deserve love and companionship. Because we are all marriage material no matter the opinions of those around us. Because love is love is love no matter the color of our skin, no matter our gender, no matter our sexual orientation, and certainly no matter our ability, or lack thereof. The truth is interabled relationships create empathy in ourselves, in our partners and in our progeny. I’ve seen it firsthand: interabled relationships can and do work, and illness and disability can, in fact, bring partners closer together to work as a team to maintain optimal health. 

So, own your Crohn’s, own all your chronic illnesses and disabilities, and seek a love that completes you, that makes your disease whole and that makes you fight for your life every single time. Because the matters of the heart know no illness or disability. And because most of all, you deserve a chance at love and a chance at acceptance.

Here’s to a lasting love for you all and many more anniversaries filled with love, light and peace for Anand and me! 

~~HAPPY DISABILITY PRIDE MONTH!!!~~

**As always, I’d love to hear from you! Please feel free to leave comments and let me know your thoughts 🙂