I still remember when the racy Bollywood song, “Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hai?” (Hindi: What’s Behind the Saree Blouse?), teased South Asian household television sets and AM/FM radios (yes, those used to be a thing). I was barely 10 years old and even though I couldn’t get enough of the song’s hypnotic beat, I felt tingling shame every time I heard its lyrics.
So when Lilly Singh (a/k/a iiSuperwomanii), Punjabi-Canadian LGBTQ YouTube star and soon-to-be late-night TV show host, released her rap remake of “Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hai?” last week, I nearly fell off my chair. She didn’t just remake a Bollywood classic; she recreated a spectacle made for male eyes and turned it into pure feminist social activism. And she spoke the only language I have come to know with my brand of Crohn’s Disease: how to release ourselves from deeply embedded body shaming to ultimately cultivate our most authentic selves.
So what does Singh’s remake mean to me as a brown woman with chronic illnesses and disabilities? A lot. Not only does she debunk how one’s body should look, Singh challenges her audience,
“I’m a woman with a story,
Yo you should get to know me.
Cuz I hustle hard,
Fight back,
Reject any labels.”
And that’s what we do every single day. If someone takes even a minute out to learn about our conditions and get to know us, they’ll see- we are women of our own right who fight hard to be heard at the doctor’s, with our insurance and with a society that judges us 24-7. I dare the world to label us ‘bechari’ (Hindi: poor thing) because we “hustle hard, fight back” and don’t allow sickness to consume us.
Singh raps on,
“Shawty got hella thighs,
Her resilience even thicker,
I ate some carbs,
My booty grew quicker,
I got phat stretch marks,
Yaar mainu koi nahi fikar.” (Punjabi: Girl, I don’t give a hoot)
How many of us can relate? I got phat scars and 3 ostomies from my surgeries. I got hella moonface and gained hella weight from Prednisone. I got hella fistulae from Crohn’s. And even though I got hella anxiety from being chronically ill, what Singh does for me is make me realize my own self-worth. She gives highest praise for our resilience, which fuels my ability to accept the new me, laden with bodily imperfection.
And perhaps my favorite part of her rap song goes,
“This body is mine,
You can’t make me feel ugly,
Only thing gotta change is your mind,
If you judge me.
Light or dark skin,
It’s a win,
It don’t bug me,
Don’t need Fair & Lovely,
Because I love me.”
And there we have it. No matter how much we might be shamed for our conditions, no one can truly make us feel ugly if we refuse to take it on. In South Asia, for instance, Fair & Lovely is a best-selling cosmetic cream that many women are encouraged to use to lighten their skin color. It all begs the questions- why can’t we love ourselves just the way we are, light or dark, weight gain or loss, chock full of scars, setons and anxiety? Why do we need to constantly strive to look better even if we don’t feel better?
The truth is we are a win as long as we show ourselves the love we so deserve. If others want to judge us, that’s their prerogative. We didn’t choose our conditions let alone the shape, size or color of our bodies. This is our life to live and Singh’s remake helps me share that love and practice self-love as my mantra.
So own your Crohn’s, own your ostomy, own every single taboo surrounding your chronic illness, because what’s behind that choli (Hindi: blouse) is an amazing you, a beautiful heart and a gorgeous soul. And you are enough. More than enough.
Keep shining your light and sharing your stories. Because that’s how stigmas shatter and that’s how the floodgates of greater acceptance burst open.
Thank you, Lilly Singh, for leading the way for us women to prescribe less to societal standards and more to self-love. God bless and Godspeed.
Happy National Minority Health Month!
~Love, light, peace and female badassery always~
